Kanye helped me love my mother.

I feel as if it's a cliche to blog about something like this. I feel like guys blog about who they think is the "strongest and most beautiful mother on earth" to make it evident that they are capable of being sensitive and extremely loving just so they could get a little "aww, how cute!" here and there. I almost puke when I read those kind of blogs or when I read those cheesy ass, cliche'd out captions on myspace, but something made me realize today that I just had to do something so cheesy and so cliche because I haven't been much of a loving son lately.

I mean, I leave my house around 5:45am every Monday and Wednesday morning and don't even wake up early enough to see her on tuesdays and Thursdays and don't come back till 6:00pm only to grab dinner and go to work till 11:00pm. She's asleep by the time I come home and vice-versa. My dad doesn't come home till late either so the basically, the whole day everyone in this house hold runs with a schedule that prevents us from seeing each other for more than an hour. It's been like that for my dad for ever so I ain't trippin, he can deal. He comes home and watches his t.v. For my mom on the other hand, this is all new to her. She goes to work at 7.00am and comes home at 5:30pm to an empty house because her boys be at workzz.

I've been, sadly, pushing her away lately because she does little things that annoy me. It's such a tragedy that teens have these feelings towards their parents and if I knew how to stop it I would. Whenever I do get a chance to spend time at home, I don't spend it with her. Every little moment that I do get to spend with her, I don't speak to her or look at her. I just do my own thing. I'm not sure whether or not it's just a normal event for a freshmen college student to break away from their parent's schedule or if I'm just a pansy for feeling this way. It can't be normal. There are tons of older people that still be hittin dey mommyz up on dey cell every night to say "Wuddup, motha?". And if Kanye can act all tough and talk all this shit about everything except his mom then why can't I? Thanks, Kanye, for being the justification of not being a pansy.

Back on track. Today, I came home real quick to eat dinner. She gave me a call while I had class so I called her back as soon as I got out and I was kind of pissed because I thought to myself, "You still keep tabs on me at this time in my life?!" That feeling went away when I realized she only called to ask if I had work so she could buy me something quick to eat before work.

I came home and I barely said a word to her except this - "Mom, I was the only student in class who got the econ question correct today!" (I know, I'm a college student who is pushing his mom away but still has time to do some 3rd grade shit) Of course, I added a bit of exaggeration to that because I suck at Vietnamese and I didn't want to waste my time stuttering and re-wording my shit around and a little lie to steal a little extra glory doesn't hurt. I mean, I did get the question right, but I wasn't the only one who got it right. I was just the first to answer it correctly in my row. The professor asked me, "Did you take this class before?" - No. "So you've just been paying attention to what I've been saying from way back here?" - Yeah, bahhaha.

I knew I had to tell my mom about that. That would be the only thing I could say to her that she would be proud of and so that I wouldn't feel bad for just eating and leaving.

After that talk, my mom sat down and told me that lately she's been praying (I'm Buddhist) for my sister and I to improve in our weak spots and to have better lives and all that junk that parents wish for on their children. Even though I know that all parents (or hopefully all) do this, it was just nice to actually remember that they still do that.

I guess I've been ignoring and pushing my mom away because I barely see her and when I do see her, she somehow annoys me (I'm such a faggot son), and that annoyance just makes me not want to be around my parents. I just want to go out or away from home. That's the attitude that made me forget what my parents actually do while I'm gone and what they think about. I'm on their mind even when I'm gone and even if I act like a bitch towards my mom, she still goes down every night to the praying plaaaaace (sorry) and wishes the best for my sister and I. If she could do all that, I guess a little I love you (in my head at least) wouldn't hurt. I could also take some time out of my life to actually love her back by adding more words to the list of things I say to my mom (hi, bye, i'll be home soon).


No, I'm not going to end this blog with the whole "I love you so much, momma" kinda shit.

Fuck, it's 3:00am and I have to wake up a 5:30am. My loooooovingzz momster will kill me if she catches me up on the laptop at this hour!